Under Construction

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I have looked at my site and I realize things are a little messy. Sorry. I am a bit disorganized lately. I guess too many virtual irons in the fire has led me to this. I have a few online projects in the making and all of a sudden I also have a lot of real life irons ready to be pounded into steel. Birthdays, yard needing tending, progress reports for all the students I work with, homework to create, I just changed my schedule so I also have to sort that whole thing out too. that is just the real life things I need to figure out.

Then there is fitness. I am still juicing/smoothieing, I am working on changing my running form (or at least looking closer at it), I had to do research for new shoes and I needed to find more examples of running style, I am still figuring out how to balance my dietary change with how I feed my children and my wife and not get them bored or starving.

Meditation has not been as rigidly in my schedule in the last week as previously. This has affected my concentration and subsequently my higher reasoning ability. I find it harder to problem-solve and it takes longer to figure out my life. I also stop becoming rigid about things I should be rigid about.

I have said before I was starting P90X and did not. My copy did not work. I bought another copy online and I can finally begin. I will watch all the videos first so I can become acquainted with the requirements.

I have not been able to post because my concentration is so poor. I have been easily distracted and I tend to just shut down after the kids go to bed. I have been making headway on keeping my kitchen cleaner and less cluttered for a few days. I even got some paint to repaint the white wood lip on the counters (not sure who thought white was a good color for this but I got fed up (after 8 years) and changed it to a beige).

My house is cluttered so much now that I have all but given up unless we are having people over (like for my children’s birthday parties) and need to at least have space to put food on the counters.

Times like this I find that I am reminded of my house when I was growing up. Our house was not really a mess but there were just a lot of things lying in corners. Or the garage was full of so much stuff that we did not know if there were black widows lurking in the deepest recesses of the scary place. Our garage became a place we never went into. This was why my mom hid the Christmas presents in there and how I found evidence of no Santa in the garage. Our dryer died and we had a second one put in in the middle of the dining area. Looking back, I am not too sure why this was. Our yard was the worst part. the back yard looked like something Stephen King would have written about or perhaps a dead baseball team would have wanted to build a field there to play on. I understand that my mom was worn out from working 12 hour days and going to school some nights then having to deal with 2 boys on her own. I understood it then but I just adapted to these things by ignoring them. The resulting emotion, though, was shame. I was ashamed to have people over to our house. I rarely had friends over and the ones I did have, were only my best friends. I do not feel shame anymore because I do not really care what others think about my house. I clean when others are coming because I consider it a courtesy. I find that I would want it clean if I were visiting someone else. I would want to be comfortable so I attempt to do it for them. I know all the reasons for doing it every week and I know that I need to have a schedule but my laziness comes on full force when I first try to make a schedule or a list and then trying to actually follow it.

Life tends to get in the way of those schedules and lists.

It is on my list of things to correct. 🙂


2 thoughts on “Under Construction

    Becki Duckworth said:
    March 13, 2013 at 5:08 pm

    I have the opposite issue. I am so OCD in cleanliness it’s sickening. In fact yesterday I cleaned the garage again. I was reminded by psychiatrist that relationships are more important than cleaning.

      genext13 responded:
      March 13, 2013 at 7:44 pm

      Given what I know about your past, control is definitely important to you. For good reason. Controlling your environment is very important. I never had that issue. I probably should and I am working on increasing my daily routine of cleaning clutter etc.

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