Month: December 2012
I release all that has occurred in the past. I accept all that comes in the future. I allow and adapt to every moment permitting Heaven to guide and direct my life for God and Heaven can perceive my life better than I can. When I feel frustrated, I am reminded that there is a lesson to be learned. When I feel happy, I am reminded that God/Soul/Spirit are being felt consciously. When I am sad, I am reminded that God/Spirit/Soul are being felt consciously as well. Joy is always there but I know that I need to detach from it occasionally because that is the way of the physical world (this is a limited perspective but we can leave it like that for now). I experience Grace when I let go and allow (which is not often enough) and I release Grace to those who really find it difficult to experience it. I love and give with nothing more than all I have and receive. I receive with all I am. I am grateful for the ability to love. I am grateful for The Grace I am given. I am grateful for being able to transmit this Grace to others. I am grateful for You. I Love You and always will. Thank You for being in my life. Thank You to those that give and Thank You to those that receive.
Here I end this series of entries. I am maintaining my weight between 175 and 180 pounds. I have been able to maintain my diet appropriately to keep the weight off. My goal of 30 pounds is not complete but now I will be focusing on fitness, cardio and strength to prepare for the race and Tough Mudder. I am currently stable with kcals at 1300-1500 each day. I have cut sugar down to 25-30g per day. I have been able to incorporate running, weight training, and cardio weights into a daily/weekly routine. The challenge remains to increase meditation to more than once every day. I meditate at least once a day but 40 minutes daily needs to be the nonnegotiable goal. I do other types of meditation but sutra and mantra meditation is the main focus.
I think the greatest success here is the completion of 3 months of discipline. I have mentioned before that 3 months of exercise is what is needed to create change. This goes for behavior as well. I feel a change has been made. This change in behavior is creating a change in spirit and attitude. Laziness is manufactured through continuing behavior and eventually becomes a way of life. I still feel the pull to let myself off the hook a lot of the time but it gets harder every time I follow through on one of my daily goals. Particularly when the arguments are logical and sound. Heaven, soul, spirit mandate are not logical. Neither will be my obeisance of those mandates. I hurt my shoulder sleeping on it wrong and I can easily make the argument for not lifting weights. I will modify my workout but I will not deviate from continuing my plan. It is close to freezing outside and has been raining but I will not let that stop me from my plan. Thee are time when I choose other activities over a workout. I own this and do not justify why. Justification is nothing more than trying to convince my spirit that something is more important. These types of sophistry are my old behaviors. I take responsibility for my choices even if I am only breaking my own promises and rules for myself. Those are the only real promises that matter. Those are the only real places where I need to devote my personal energy. I let go of external controls for my behavior. I release the past and all the places in my personal history where I have devoted energy that takes away from present experience.
Thank You for joining me in this, my first steps of the journey. To be continued…
So we are supposed to make resolutions as the year ends so we can make the next one better and we can better ourselves. I agree with the concept. We should always strive to become better than we once were. Rather, I agree that I want to make myself more in alignment with what I see as possible for my self. I have deviated from what I perceive is the true manifestation of my soul in the physical world. Events and rituals allow people to make changes and transitions that every day life do not. We pull out of our daily routine like a train pulling into the station and can change to other tracks that are full of possibilities that we might not notice while riding the tracks of the usual daily life. I am one who tends to sleep through a lot of my day. It is no secret that my job is mostly boring, tedious paperwork and other tasks that I find about as challenging as watching the sun rise but far less rewarding. I know that this is the experience for many people. This is why ritual has such an important place in society, it always has served this purpose. Holidays are intended to bring us closer to the divine through unique experiences with family, friends, and the community. Rituals are there to remind us the importance of family, discipline, and tradition. Resolutions are a yearly ritual that many do not take very seriously. The media often exploits this ritual as a funny bit on the news or an episode of a sitcom (I bet every sitcom that lasts longer than half a season has at least one resolution episode). The failure rate of resolutions is related to this lackadaisical, if not comical attitude toward them. You can look at it from a psychological perspective or a spiritual perspective. Either way, when you break promises, it is bad. Well, maybe not bad in the grand scheme, but you will continue to be unsuccessful when you continually show your mind/spirit that you do not live up to your word.
Solution? Make the resolution and stick to it.
To be continued… (the kids are demanding attention and I made my resolution before they wee born to play with them as much as possible).
Up at 5:30 this morning (actually before the kids). Gave presents. Made gingerbread pancakes. Spent the rest of the morning playing and cleaning. Crockpot mac & cheese percolating. Over at the in-laws to pick up a TV. All nice memories. Sounds of children laughing and playing all day…the stuff life is made of. The holidays are about togetherness and family. Chanukah is about the celebration of light and miracles. Christmas is a celebration of the miracle of birth and rebirth. We are now beginning the celebration of Kwanzaa, the celebration of community. The family is our first community and is the model for the larger community. When we take the time to put life into the family, the larger community can not help but benefit. As always, I thank you for being part of my life, my family, my community. I love you all for who you are.
Wishing everyone a wonderful holiday. Sending light and love to you and yours. I make a wish of grace to you that all you do brings you joy and peace. Everyone I know (directly or indirectly) brings me joy and laughter. I am glad to know you and grateful for your presence in my life. Thank you for being you. Thank you for your part in my life. I love you in this moment and every moment I have.
Today we made a gingerbread house. It was messy, sugary, loud and fun. Sometimes I had to watch myself as I worked and played because I was doing my part but sometimes a little one would decide that the way I was doing it was not good enough. My ego/perfectionist wanted to finish what I was doing and my ‘self’ would remind me that we were having fun and the ego needed to go sit in the cage I constructed for it in the corner of my mind. I was not always like this but since I started working with children with learning disorders, I feel like I need to help them learn. They were learning. I am used to working with children 2-3 times their age who can not follow 1-2 step directions and who would have found the chaos of this activity way too overwhelming. I was able to keep all those thoughts to myself and had fun. I let them do what they wanted (even my wife) and the house looks great. I love learning from and with my children. I love creating with them and I am grateful for their beautiful light in my life. Thank you for reading these words and sharing this experience with me. I love you and send you blessings and light.
Well here we are in the Age of Aquarius. Feels about the same as the Piscean age but it is still early. Much like a new year, the flavor takes awhile to notice because the flavors of the previous time are still lingering. Anyway, I am maintaining weight at 78 pounds because I have had to take time off for family and holiday obligations. My wife has been having adverse reactions to the change in weather (a cold front moved in and a lot more fireplaces have been in use). She also holds stress in her body and work is usually stressful for her at this time of year. We just finished Chanukah and that was a very hectic time for us. Dinner the first night at my sister-in-law’s house then dinner plus lights plus presents for eight straight nights leaves not much wiggle room for anything else. I managed to fit in some weights and Wii time but not much running in the last few weeks. We are a month away from the half marathon. Our goal time is 1:40. I have been focusing on speed and tempo runs. I feel really good about them. I am getting 10 minute mile times currently running up to 6 miles with 1-1.5 mile warm-up. I have only been able to manage a long of 8 miles so far. I know I could go farther which is promising so I feel confident about focusing on the speed. I am not sure about the 1:40 time but I am still working on it. What I do know is that next year we will have a qualifying time and will be going to the Boston barring any other unseen challenges. I still work in at least one salad a day and most days I have 2 salads with 3-4 ounces of protein. Snacks involve gluten-free items such as nuts or corn chips. Still taking vitamins and glucosamine and getting most essential oils from food sources. Waist size is now down more than 2 inches. I have not been under a 34 since before we got married. I will be making the push for the next 15 pounds with increased weights and movement exercises. Core exercises have gotten easier. I have been doing pull-ups and other exercises taken from yoga and Pilates to define and strengthen my core. These have been key to increasing my run times and comfort while running. When I ran before the babies, I was in pain most of the time while I was running or for days after I ran. This is probably why I often let myself slide on running. Back pain was the most frequent offender for me. I still have the pain at time after weights but this is getting less frequent as I strengthen my core and my back. I am grateful for the ability to figure this out. I am grateful that I can share my plan and thoughts through this blog and use the iPad to do it. I am grateful for the comments from everyone who reads these words and that I can help anyone who gains insight from my experiences. I am grateful for my friends and family. I am grateful for every breath I take and give. I am grateful for my life and the ability to make all the choices I make. Thank you for who you are I love you all.
I will continue this thread until I reach my goal weight loss of 30 pounds, then I will continue with a new thread titled ‘Fitness.’
I started yoga tonight. Can not seem to get away from the house much in the last couple weeks so I have had to do a lot of improvising. Running has been a couple times a week while I have been doing more weights. I started back into the Wii as a tutorial and also a check-in to keep an eye on my core strength and flexibility. I scored higher on several areas that I did last time I used it. I really need more core strength and a lot more flexibility. Running itself does not need to have these areas strong but there a lot of related factors that do. Recovery time is increased when core strength is high. Speed and ability to relax are greatly enhanced with core strength. Flexibility is key to finishing strong and to recovery rate. I have always known this but my discipline has been low, even when I was training for marathons before we had our little blessings turn our lives upside down.
Discipline seems to be the main theme through many of these posts. I have had a great amount of disorder in my life and that is changing. It changes first with my thoughts, then with my actions. I have become inflexible with my meditation. I meditate twice a day. Not doing so is not an option. I remain genuine with people even if it is not popular. Life is not a popularity contest. I remain happy regardless of the maelstrom raging around me at times. It does not always show but I enjoy the ordinary moments of life.
Diet: minimal during the day. PB&J on rice bread. Snack on Fiber One cereal. Lettuce salad for dinner with a creamy dressing, cheese, and turkey. Drink a lot of water and sugar is generally less than 25 grams each day.
Weight loss continues…
I won my biggest loser competition at work. I am keeping a regular routing of weights and cardio 3-5 sets each day. Stretching out my back is really the key. The regular routine combined with the specific exercises has allowed me to expand my exercises with things I was never able to do before. I am far more flexible than I ever remember being.
I am grateful to have won this competition simply because I have begun to return to my original self.
I am my own joy. I have always known this but recently I have been mired in lack of sleep and the busy routine of the day-to-day. I realized my original self today when I left my iPad in a shopping cart at Wal-Mart. I did not realize it until I was 20 minutes and many miles away. I was on the verge of freaking out but a calm came over me. Something inside just said ‘it is ok” and it was. I knew that no matter what happened it would be fine. I called the store while I was on my way back to ask them to go look for it. They did but I was cut off a couple times and I did not even get the manager back on the phone. I pulled up, looked where I had left it, and it was still in the cart in the parking lot. I was grateful (and still am) that the events turned out as they did. But I am more in awe of the peace that came over me. in the not too distant past, I would have been panicking over something that turned out to be unwarranted. Back when I was allowing myself to be affected by lack of sleep, too much caffeine, too many empty and damaging calories in my diet I would have caused myself undue stress.
These changes are really a return to who I am. I look forward to more of the same in the many moments to come.